


Baggage

by CatWingsAthena



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Although Sam is probably having some of those too, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016) Whump, But mostly it's Sam who gets whumped in this one, Creepy Murdoc (MacGyver TV 2016), Fear of Drowning, Gen, I'm giving her worse, In more ways than one, It's all in flashbacks and offscreen, Mind Games, Nothing happens in the timespan covered by the fic, Past Rape/Non-con, Sam has a dark past, Samantha Cage (MacGyver TV 2016) Whump, Samantha Cage deserved better, September MacGyver Whump - Day 5, The Sam/Murdoc is VERY ONE SIDED, The narrative kind not the PTSD kind, Well it's more like angst with a hopeful ending, just to be clear, lots of flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26671465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatWingsAthena/pseuds/CatWingsAthena
Summary: The one where, instead of meeting and getting obsessed with Mac... Murdoc met and got obsessed with Samantha Cage.Right now, Murdoc has Sam and Mac locked in a room, Sam in a tank of rising water... water that rises more slowly if Sam tells the whole story of her and Murdoc's "acquaintance," without lying or leaving anything out.Mac's promised he won't judge, whatever Sam says.She's not so sure she believes him.
Relationships: Samantha Cage & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Samantha Cage/Murdoc (MaGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	Baggage

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody! Please do mind the tags, and be warned that this fic also contains references to biological and chemical terrorism (including a bioterror attack meant to cause a pandemic, which I realize could be sensitive for a lot of people right now), threatened knife and gun violence, hand and finger whump (not fingernails), and some internalized victim blaming.
> 
> Also: a lot of this story is told through flashbacks, and I put those in italics as a stylistic choice. If large blocks of italics aren't accessible to you, but you'd still like to read this fic, drop me a comment telling me so and I'll send you a link to a version without the italics, where I mark out the flashbacks differently.
> 
> This fic was written for the September MacGyver Whump challenge, Day 5 - Any Character Whump + Your Favorite Villain.
> 
> All right, on with the story! Hope you enjoy!

_ “Sammy-sammy-bo-bammy, banana-fanna-fo-fammy, mee-my-mo-mammy, Sammy!” _

The familiar, obnoxious voice grated against Sam’s ears as she slowly drifted back to consciousness.

_ Murdoc. _

_ No, no, no. Not again. _

Sam took in as much information as she could without opening her eyes.

She was sitting in a chair, wrists and ankles cuffed. The singing sounded like there was something between her and Murdoc... glass, maybe?

Then, she realized her feet and ankles were underwater.

_ Shit. _

“Sam?” called a voice from a ways away. “Are you okay?”

Sam’s eyes flew open.  _ No... _

She was in a clear box, probably plexiglass, with water up to her lower calves. She didn’t need to look to know there would be small holes in the ceiling and a pipe in the floor filling the box with water from below.

None of that mattered.

Across from her, about ten feet away, cuffed to a chair but  _ not _ in a box, was Mac.

“I’m fine,” Sam called back. “You?”

“Fine,” Mac replied. “What—”

Mac was interrupted by the sound of slow clapping.

“Why, this is just  _ adorable! _ Look at you two. Sammy, I think he actually cares about you. Let’s see how long that lasts, shall we?”

Sam’s heart sank. She had a feeling she knew, if not exactly what Murdoc was going to do, the broad strokes.

“What...” Mac broke off. “Sam, does this guy know you?”

“Oh, MacGyver! Do I ever! Sammy and I go  _ waaay _ back.” Murdoc smiled. “Here are the rules. I control the rate at which the water rises. If Samantha here tells you the story of our... acquaintance... without lying or leaving anything out, the water will rise slowly.” Murdoc looked at Sam. “If you fail to do as I’ve asked, the water will rise faster. If you’re forthcoming, maybe Boy Wonder over there can get you out of this mess. If he does, I’ll let you both walk away. If not...” Murdoc frowned and drew a finger across his throat. “As much fun as it is to have you around, watching your pride get you killed would be downright poetic. Everything ends, after all. And this...” he smiled. “This would be a  _ perfect  _ way to wrap things up for us. But, Sammy...” Murdoc looked her dead in the eye. She glared back. “If you want to stop this, just give me a wave.” He tilted his head upward, and Sam noticed a light in an upper corner of the room—presumably a camera. “I’ve got everything set up upstairs. One hour, and I let you both go.”

“This is insane,” Mac interjected. “How do we know you’ll keep your word?”

Murdoc tipped his head toward Sam.

“He will,” she said calmly. “It’s true, I’ve dealt with him before.”

Mac looked like he was starting to ask a question, when Murdoc interrupted again. “I can’t  _ wait _ to see how this little drama plays out. Bye, now!”

He left with a flourish.

Mac’s jaw set. “Hey,” he said. “Listen to me. It’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna get us out of this. I think I know how. But... it’s gonna take time. So... whatever it is he wants you to tell me, I’m not gonna judge you for it, okay? I don’t care who you used to be. I care who you are now.”

Sam nodded.

She could do this. She could.

Or she could go upstairs with Murdoc. Let Mac think she was being tortured. He’d never have to know.

Wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before.

_ No. _ If Mac could get them out of this without her having to do that, she had to give him time. Had to trust him.

Was Murdoc really paying attention to what she said?

“The first time I ran into Murdoc,” she said, “I was with Australian special forces—”

The water started rising faster.

_ Damn. _

“Okay, that was the  _ second _ time I met Murdoc,” she said. “The first time, we were... we were trying to take out the same person. Not for any good reason, either."

Mac looked a lot less surprised than she’d thought he would.

Mac yanked his hand back, cried out softly, then sucked in a breath.

“Mac!” called Sam.

“It’s okay,” breathed Mac. “I just need to... dislocate my other thumb, and then I can get out of these cuffs.” He’d already pulled his right hand through the cuff.

_ You can stop this. _

_ No. He’ll think you’re being tortured, and that’s if he doesn’t find out. Don’t leave him with that level of guilt. Besides... just no. _

_ But if I tell him... _

_ Are you  _ really _ thinking about... doing  _ that, _ just so you don’t have to tell a few stories? Are you that afraid of the truth? _

Sam closed her eyes.

She’d been close with her CIA team, but their bond, strong as it was, was strictly work. The Phoenix...

They were her family.

She didn’t want to watch that end.

_ Mac said he wouldn’t think less of you. Trust him. _

“All right,” said Sam. “I was in Amsterdam, and I was moving in on my target...”

...

_ The woman who would be Samantha Cage wove through the streets, poisoned ring on her finger, as she closed in on the man she was planning to kill. _

_ She glanced around at the surrounding rooftops, out of habit. _

_ And caught the flash of a sniper rifle. _

_ They were after her target. They had to be. _

_ What were the odds that  _ two _ people on that street had been independently marked for assassination? _

_ The woman moved in as quickly as she could. If she wasn’t the one to make the kill, things could get unpleasant with her boss. _

_ She swung her poison-tipped ring into his arm as she brushed past, then kept moving just fast enough that he didn’t think of her when looking around and wondering what that sudden slight pain had been, just slowly enough that she aroused no suspicion. _

_ A moment later, she heard a gunshot. _

_ Oh well. They’d find the pinprick and poison in his body when they did the autopsy. If she’d done her job, she wasn’t responsible for what happened to the man after. _

_ She turned as quickly as she could, feigning shock and horror like everyone else on the street. _

_ When a few people on the fringes left, so did she. _

...

Sam was pulled out of her narrative by Mac crying out again.

He’d pulled both his hands out of his cuffs by this point, and had just tucked one hand against his body, arranged the fingers of his right hand around the loosely hanging thumb of the left, and  _ shoved. _

Mac moved his newly-resocketed thumb, wincing as he did so. “So you tried to kill the same person,” said Mac, “and you poisoned him, and he would’ve died from that if Murdoc hadn’t gotten there first...”

Mac repeated the process on his other hand, gasping as the joint reset. “...So when did you meet, if you left so fast?”

The water was reaching Sam’s knees, and had been rising faster in the time she hadn't been talking.

“I was just getting ready to leave...”

...

_ The woman walked into the motel room she’d been staying in to find a man pointing a gun at her. _

_ She tried to subtly draw her own gun, but the man gestured with his. “Drop it.” _

_ She did as she was told, and quickly found herself pressed up against a wall by the man, who was holding the gun under her chin. _

_ “You tried to steal my target,” the man said. “Give me one reason I shouldn’t shoot you right now.” _

_ The woman thought for a second. _

_ If she said the obvious— _ I work for a criminal organization who will come after you if you kill me _ —she was as good as dead. Not only was that not true (the them-coming-after-him bit, not the first part), he’d broken into a fellow murderer’s motel room just out of...  _ what, curiosity?  _ He didn’t seem the type to hesitate at risks. _

_ That gave her her answer. _

_ “Because you don’t want to,” the woman said, smiling.  _ Play it mysterious.  _ “You came and found me when you’d finished the job, and you haven’t shot me yet. Hit men don’t generally ask questions first and shoot later.” _

_ “You’d know, I suppose?” _

_ The woman ignored the slight pang that question sent through her.  _ I’m in too deep to get out. _ “Maybe. What concern is it of yours?” _

_ “No one’s beaten me to a kill in a long time,” the man said, looking almost... wistful? _

_ “Exactly,” said the woman. “You’re curious about me. You don’t want to let me die without knowing who I am. And I’m. Not. Telling.” She reached up and punctuated each word with a tap on the man’s chest. “So, shoot me now. End this right here. And spend the rest of your life wondering.” She smiled again. “Or find out what happens if you don’t.” _

_ The man smiled back, a smile that made the woman’s guts twist. “What’s your name?” _

_ “I just said, I’m not telling.” She looked him in the eye. “What’s yours?” _

_ “When you’ve been in the business as long as I have, you collect a lot of names,” he said. “But I’ve always been partial to Murdoc.” _

_ “All right, Murdoc,” said the woman. “What’s it gonna be?” _

_ The man seemed to consider for a moment. _

_ The woman hardly dared to breathe. _

_ The man looked around her room. “I’ll give you a five-minute head start. And...” he scribbled something down on a sheet of paper from a small notebook he retrieved from his pocket. “In case you ever feel like being more forthcoming.” _

_ With that, he left. _

_ The woman glanced at the sheet of paper. It was a phone number. _

_ Immediately, she grabbed her bag and ran, wondering what the hell she’d just gotten herself into. _

...

“Okay,” said Mac, voice tight with pain as he worked on... Sam didn’t know what, but she had enough experience with Mac to believe it would get them out, if she gave him time. “That was the first time. What about the second time?”

“The second time I met him, I was Australian special forces.”

“Hang on,” said Mac. “How did you get  _ on _ Australian special forces, if you used to be an assassin for a criminal organization?”

Sam smiled faintly, taking a deep breath to steady herself. The water was halfway up her thighs by now. “By the time I met Murdoc, I already wanted out,” she said. “I could think of one way to do that without getting killed or thrown in a dark hole for the rest of my life.”

...

_ The woman sat in an interrogation room, cuffed to a table, as one of the SAS top brass stared her down. _

_ She stared back. _

_ She’d allowed herself to be caught, on her last job. Now, she just had to convince them that flipping her was worth the risk. _

_ Forty-five minutes later, she was filling out a stack of paperwork, on her way to being Samantha Cage, SAS psych ops. _

...

“Okay,” said Mac, “So... second time you ran into Murdoc?”

“Well...” said Sam. “Not so much ran into as he found me.”

...

_ Sam was in the middle of a post-mission debrief when her phone buzzed. _

What...

_ She didn’t have any contacts outside of work, and she was careful not to give her number to any mailing lists. She couldn’t think of who would be texting her. _

_ “Excuse me,” she said, then stepped out into the hall and checked the text. _

_ <God makes some men poets. Some He makes kings, some beggars. Me He made a hunter.> _

_ Sam recognized the quote. It was from the short story  _ The Most Dangerous Game.

_ The text had come from a blocked number. But Sam had a sick feeling she knew who had sent it. _

_ <There’s been a hit ordered on the director of Westmead Hospital. You and your little friends will want to know why.> _

_ <I can help with that. Meet me in 30 minutes at the address I send. Alone. If you do, I promise, I won’t kill you. This time.> _

_ An address followed. _

_ Sam took a breath and went back into the briefing room. “I have something you all need to see.” _

_ She passed her phone around. _

_ “Do you know who sent this?” asked Commander Walker. _

_ “Not for certain,” said Sam, “but I have an idea. Some time ago, I... encountered a man who called himself Murdoc. I don’t know his real name. He was an assassin. I only met him the once, and I was lucky to survive.” _

_ “I recognize this MO,” said Evans. “The strange text from a blocked number... Is this S-218?” _

_ “What do we know about S-218?” asked Sam. _

_ “Almost nothing,” said Commander Walker. “Top of the whole world’s most wanted list, but... he’s a shadow. We have no photographs, no voice recordings, zilch. This is...” he looked at Sam. “If this is really him, it’s the best lead we’ve gotten in years.” _

_ “Hold on,” said Taylor. “Are you suggesting we use Cage as bait?” _

_ “Yes,” said Commander Walker. “If we have a chance to take this guy out, we have to take it. We’ll be there to back you up, of course.” _

_ “No,” said Sam. “I go alone.” _

_ “That’s—” Taylor started to say. _

_ “If I bring backup, he  _ will _ know, and he  _ will _ kill me. This way, I stand a chance of learning what I need to know about the hit so I can stop it—and figure out what else S-218 thought was so important to tell me. You can be on comms the whole time, but no one can be there physically.” _

...

Sam broke off as she heard a cry of pain from the corner of the room. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, it’s just... really hard to work with pipes when your thumbs aren’t working properly,” Mac gritted out. “Keep talking.”

...

_ As Sam approached the meeting place, an eerily familiar voice floated towards her. _

“Sammy-sammy-bo-bammy, banana-fanna-fo-fammy, mee-my-mo-mammy, Sammy!”

_ “Stop wasting time,” Sam called. “I came here for information. What do you know about this hit?” _

_ “Everett Udall.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “Find Dr. Everett Udall. He ordered the hit. Get  _ him _ to tell you.” _

_ Sam paused. Something wasn’t adding up. “What are you getting out of this?” _

_ Murdoc smiled his usual nauseating smile. “I accepted the job. But I don’t plan to show up to the meeting. I’ll leave you that opportunity, should you choose to accept it.” _

_ Sam stared at Murdoc. “You want me to pretend to be you?” _

_ “No one knows a thing about me, Sammy. Not what I look like, or even that I’m a man.” Murdoc shrugged. “Thought you might be interested in saving an innocent life, being one of the  _ good _ guys now and all, but if you’re not...” _

_ Sam hated that she was giving in to such obvious manipulation, but she didn’t see that she had much choice. “When and where is the meeting?” _

_ “Two blocks west of here, in...” Murdoc checked his watch. “Ten minutes.” He slipped away through the streets and vanished. _

_ Sam mentally swore. _

_ “This is insane,” said Taylor over comms. _

_ “Cage, go to that meeting,” said Commander Walker. “Get the intel and report back.” _

...

The water was over Sam’s lap now. She shivered. It was cold, and she was having a hard time talking without her teeth chattering.

“Okay,” said Mac in the pause created by Sam stopping to get her shivers under control. “What happened at the meeting?”

...

_ Sam walked into the building Murdoc had indicated—a small diner—and made her way to the table near the back, where a man was sitting, looking nervous. _

_ She slid into the booth, staring him down. “Udall?” _

_ Udall nodded. “What should I call you?” _

_ “I’ve collected a lot of names,” said Sam smoothly, “but I’ve always been partial to Murdoc.” _

_ Udall looked at her curiously. “I must admit, you are...” _

_ “Not what you expected?” Sam gave a slight, cold smirk, and Udall swallowed. “I’m not what anyone expects.” _

_ “His name is Terrence White,” said Udall. “Hospital director for Westmead. I’ve got a tight clock on this—three hours. That gonna be a problem?” _

_ “Not at all.” Sam gave her own sickening smile. “Where should I send proof of death?” _

_ Udall wrote down a number on a napkin. “Send it there. I’ll wire you the funds at the end of the day today.” _

_ Sam frowned. “Why not immediately?” _

_ A microexpression of fear flashed across Udall’s face. “I won’t have the money until end of day. I’m still negotiating a funds transfer.” _

_ Sam slowly nodded. He was lying, that much was obvious. _

_ Hit men weren’t known for being forgiving about failure to pay. If Udall didn’t care if he didn’t pay the one he’d hired... he didn’t plan on surviving the day. _

_ That, and taking out the director of a hospital... _

_ In a split second, she made a decision. _

_ She pressed her knife to his leg under the table. “If you don’t want me to cut your femoral artery, you’ll come with me.” _

_ Udall looked at her, sweating. “You really gonna do that in a—” _

_ Sam gave him a look that told him she was dead serious. She wasn’t, not really—cutting people open in diners was something she generally preferred to avoid—but it was easy enough to fake. _

_ Udall nodded, wiping his forehead, and stood up. _

_ Sam kept her knife on him all the way out the door and down the block as she requested backup through comms. _

_ “This man’s planning a terrorist attack. Possibly biological or chemical. He intended to carry it out today.” _

...

“So what happened?” asked Mac.

“Another team took it,” said Sam. “I was right. He was planning to release the 1918 strain of influenza back into the population. Some sort of nutty belief that the only way to get the government to prepare for a bioterrorist attack was to conduct one. If Murdoc hadn’t tipped us off... millions of people could’ve died.”

“And then?” asked Mac. “Did he just... vanish?”

“No, actually,” said Sam, smiling faintly despite her growing fear.

...

_ Sam sat in the briefing room with her team, looking around as they all stared at her. _

_ “Why did you never ask for a trace on this number before?” Commander Walker gave her a skeptical look. _

_ “To be perfectly honest, I forgot it existed,” said Sam. “But when S-218 got back in contact... I remembered. Permission to lead this mission.” _

_ “Tell me your plan. I’ll see if I approve.” _

...

“I assume he did approve?” said Mac, over clanging sounds created as he messed with the piping.

“Yes,” said Sam. “It wasn’t easy to convince him, but once I did...”

...

_ Sam stood in the empty warehouse she’d arranged as a meeting place. _

_ The phone call she’d made to Murdoc, with her team tracing, had failed to produce a location. He’d gotten off the phone too quickly for that. _

_ But now, the team was tracking Sam. _

_ Murdoc stepped out of the shadows. “Samantha. How good of you to come alone.” _

_ “Murdoc.” _

_ “So.” Murdoc walked closer, long coat swishing around his legs. “What brings you here? Could it be you’re tired of wearing the white hat? Ready to come back to where you  _ really _ belong?” _

_ Sam smirked. “No. I just wanted to ask you why.” _

_ Murdoc raised one eyebrow. “Why what?” _

_ “Why did you tip me off about the attack? Why  _ now? _ You probably lost a major payday, and it’s not like you care if people die. You could’ve just left the country. So why?” _

_ Murdoc smiled, showing far too many teeth. “True,  _ I  _ knew what was coming in time to get out of the country. But  _ you _ didn’t. I’d spent all that time tracking you down, I wasn’t about to let you die of the flu before I got the chance to get to know you better.” _

_ Sam looked at him, head tilted to one side. “Why me? What’d I do, kill an albatross?” _

_ Murdoc smiled. “Oh, no, Sammy. You caught my attention simply by being  _ you.”

_ “What’s that supposed to mean?” _

_ “You beat me to a kill. Now, that I could’ve let go, eventually. Okay, it would’ve taken a while, but probably I would’ve just killed you and been done with it. But then, you did something incredible. You changed my mind.” _

_ “So you’re here because I passed Psych 101?” said Sam, in a deliberately derisive tone. _

_ “Oh, but it’s so much  _ more _ than that. I could’ve let even that go—although, I’ll admit it would’ve taken a while, you really are quite something. But I was keeping tabs on you, just for funzies, you know, and then suddenly, you drop. Off. My radar! I mean, how likely is  _ that?  _ I just  _ had _ to find out more. So I found you again, and... you’d switched sides.” _

_ “And you couldn’t stand for that?” asked Sam. _

_ “More like I saw it as a fun challenge. If I can get you to come back to the dark side, that would be delightful. And if I can’t... well, we can each balance the other out. We’ve got a lot in common, you and I. Life—I don’t know, life is just more  _ fun _ with you around. I think we’d make good frenemies, don’t you?” _

_ Sam gave Murdoc a dubious look. “Did you just ask me to be your nemesis? What is this, fifth grade?” _

_ Murdoc actually rolled his eyes, which did not improve Sam’s estimation of his maturity. Then, he looked at her. “Well? What do you say?” _

_ A slow smile spread across Sam’s face. “You might want to look down.” _

_ Murdoc looked at his chest, where the red lights of rifle sights danced. _

_ He smiled back at her and started slow clapping. _

_ “Freeze!” called a chorus of voices, and Murdoc stopped clapping, putting his hands above his head in a slow, almost bored fashion. _

_ “Well, well, nicely done, Sammy! I’m impressed! Keeping me distracted long enough to get your people into position?” He smiled even wider as his hands were cuffed behind his back. “Well, there’s always room on the  _ fun _ side for one more. And if you ever want to hang out... just call.” _

_ Sam smiled back. “Where you’re going, you won’t be getting any visitors anytime soon.” _

...

“Okay, that’s pretty badass,” said Mac.

“Unfortunately, he broke out two months later,” said Sam.

“That... is unfortunate,” said Mac. “Did you ever see him again? Before now, I mean?”

“The third time I met him, I was with the CIA,” said Sam. “It had been a while, and I thought maybe I’d seen the last of him. But...”

Sam paused. Once she told this story, there was no going back.

_ Don’t be absurd. You’re past the point of no return already. _

_ It’s different. If he knows you  _ failed...

_ Trust him. _

The water was up to her chest by now. She didn’t see that she had much choice.

“He kidnapped me,” Sam said. “Hired some goons to drug me. When I woke up...”

...

_ Water. _

_ Sam circled back to consciousness to realize that the lower half of her body was underwater. _

_ Then, a sound. _

“Sammy-sammy-bo-bammy, banana-fanna-fo-fammy, mee-my-mo-mammy, Sammy!”  _ An irritating, nasal, singsong tone. _

Murdoc.

_ Sam opened her eyes. _

_ She was cuffed to a chair in a glass tank... _

_ Which was slowly filling with water. _

_ It was already up to her waist. _

_ Sam swallowed her panic. It wouldn’t help. _

_ “Well, well, Sammy. Finally awake, I see.” _

_ Sam glared at him in silence. If she asked him what he wanted, her tone would likely give away how desperate she was to get out of here. If she didn’t say anything, on the other hand, Murdoc would probably feel compelled to fill the silence, and he might tell her something about why she was here. _

_ Besides Murdoc being completely twisted, of course. _

_ “I know you’re afraid of drowning,” Murdoc purred. “I’ve read your file. And I have a proposition for you.” _

_ “Oh?” said Sam casually, raising one eyebrow. _

Don’t let him see you’re afraid.

_ “Yes,” said Murdoc. “You’ll notice I’ve not gagged you. Your words are your best weapon. So talk. You want me to let you go? Convince me I should.” He leaned forward in the chair he was straddling and looked at her expectantly. _

_ Sam looked him in the eye. “Why would you want to kill me? You like having me around. Your life wouldn’t be as fun without me, you’ve said it yourself.” _

_ “Maybe,” Murdoc replied. “But eventually one tires of the chase, you know?” _

_ Sam tilted her head. “I thought God made you a hunter.” _

_ “Oh, he did,” said Murdoc, “But variety, dear Sam, is the spice of life, and I’m afraid our game is getting a little...  _ boring.”

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “I chase you, you chase me... it just goes around and around, and nothing ever  _ changes. _ I mean, you’re trying to use the same trick you pulled on me the first time we met. Please, Sammy, a little originality!” _

...

“So he accuses  _ you _ of being unoriginal and pulling the same trick twice, and then turns around and repeats himself?” scoffed Mac as he fiddled with the pipes.

“The first time, I was alone,” said Sam. “This time the purpose is different, so he probably thinks it’s different enough.”

Mac rolled his eyes slightly, then eyed the water level with concern. “You were saying?”

...

_ Sam thought for a moment. The rising water was making it hard to do that, but she needed to be calm. She needed to be on top of her game. “If you let me go,” said Sam, “I’ll get my team on tracking you. Up the difficulty level.” It was the sort of promise that would appeal to absolutely no one in their right mind—but no one ever said Murdoc was. _

_ Murdoc tilted his head, seeming to consider for a moment, and Sam barely dared hope. _

_ Then, he looked at her again. “No deal. I don’t  _ want _ to be chased by those idiots, I want  _ you.”

_ A thought flickered across Sam’s mind, and she quickly squashed it.  _ Not while I have other options.

_ “You want me on your side,” Sam said. “Want me to join you. To be a black hat again. If you kill me now, you’ll never get the chance to win me over.” _

_ “Hmm, good point,” said Murdoc. “But I think you’re getting a little set in your ways for that to be a realistic goal, short... drastic measures.” He raised his eyebrows. “Unless you’re offering.” _

_ Sam was starting to consider whether she could (and should) fake a convincing turn long enough to kill Murdoc when his voice piped up again. “Oh, and if you lie to me about that, I  _ will _ kill you. You saw how easy it was for me to bring you here. You’re only alive because I like you that way... for now.” _

_ The water was up to the base of Sam’s neck, and she was struggling to keep the panic at bay. She tried to take a subtle deep breath, but it didn’t help—the pressure of the water felt like it was keeping her lungs from fully expanding. _

_ Maybe it was time for her option of last resort. _

_ She had no idea if this would work. But... _

I want  _ you. _

_ Since that first meeting in the motel room, Sam had known Murdoc was intrigued by her in a sense that wasn’t strictly intellectual. _

_ Time to use that fact. _

_ If she did this, she’d lose a huge amount of bargaining power for the next time they met. _

_ But if she didn’t, there probably wouldn’t  _ be _ a next time. _

_ “If you let me out,” said Sam, as calmly as she could manage, “you can do what you want with me. For one hour. Then, you let me go, and... things go back to the way they were. But you know you’ve scored a point”—she swallowed down her disgust at her next words—“and that I won’t forget.” _

_ Murdoc’s eyes widened, and he leaned back, smiling. “Why, Sammy! I’m surprised! ‘What I want with you’... Are you talking about...” He leaned in closer. “S-E-X?” _

_ Sam took another breath. “If that’s what you want.” _

_ Murdoc smirked. “Really? Anything?” _

_ The water was up to Sam’s chin. Tears were starting to gather in her eyes as her mind blanked out into a haze of sheer terror. _

_ She nodded slightly. _

_ “Say it.” _

_ “Anything.” _

_ Murdoc looked at her expectantly. The water started lapping at her mouth. _

_ “A-anything, I’ll do anything, just get me out of here,  _ please!”

_ Murdoc smiled, stood up, and did something out of Sam’s sight. _

_ The water stopped rising, then started going down. _

_ A single, traitorous tear made its way down Sam’s face. _

...

There were no tears on Sam’s face as she finished recounting the story, but her voice was tight, and there was a lump in her throat that was only partially terror at the water that was now approaching her neck.

She didn’t look at Mac. For these few moments, she could imagine he didn’t think any less of her. The last few moments before she  _ knew. _

She wasn’t expecting his voice to arrive at her ears as suddenly and fiercely as it did.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Mac said. “You did the best you could to stay alive. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Sam blinked.

“I shut off the water,” Mac said. “It should start draining now. But we’re still going to need a way to get you out.”

Sure enough, the water started lowering, and Sam shut her eyes for a moment in sheer relief.

“I’m so sorry, but we can talk more about this later,” said Mac. “For now... Riley did a background check when you came to the Phoenix, and I mean a  _ really thorough  _ background check. As in, we read your entire file. And this should’ve been in there, according to protocol. So what happened?”

Sam didn’t go into detail this time—it was just a conversation. Not much had  _ happened. _

But she remembered.

...

_ Sam sat on the exam table as the nurse who’d processed her started to enter something in the computer. _

_ “Please don’t put this in my chart,” she said suddenly. _

_ The nurse looked at her sympathetically. “I’m sorry, but I have to. It’s protocol.” _

_ Sam noted the look the nurse was giving her. Not quite the pain of firsthand experience, but... _

_ She let the silence sit in the air for a moment. “Who was it?” _

_ The nurse looked surprised. “How... never mind. I... really shouldn’t tell you.” _

_ Sam looked down and lightly crinkled the paper lying across her lap.  _ Emphasize your vulnerability. Make her want to comfort you. _ “I understand.” _

_ After a moment, the nurse sighed. “My cousin.” _

_ Sam sighed gently, then let some of her actual worry through in her voice. “How long did it take for your cousin to feel normal again?” _

_ “She still doesn’t, sometimes,” said the nurse quietly. _

_ “Then you understand why I want to get back to work as soon as possible,” Sam said.  _ Careful. Not too quick. _ “And... if my team finds out... you know how it is. They’d never see me the same way again.” _

_ “Your medical records are confidential—” _

_ “Until someone needs them. There’s no privacy in this job.” _

_ “Hang on,” said the nurse. “Aren’t you the psych specialist?” _

_ Sam smiled faintly. “Guilty as charged.” She looked the nurse in the eye. “But that doesn’t mean what I’m saying isn’t true.” _

_ “There are protocols for this sort of thing. Mandatory psychological leave—” _

_ “I told you, I just want to get back to normal,” said Sam. “And if I have to go on leave, everyone’s going to ask  _ why, _ and...” She looked at the ceiling and took a breath. _ Don’t overdo it. That’ll just convince her you need the leave.

_ When she looked down, she looked the nurse in the eye. “I’m asking you, as a personal favor, to keep this off my record.” _

_ The nurse sighed. _

_ The clock ticked. _

_ Sam waited in silence, not daring to move. _

_ “Well,” said the nurse, “samples like this are anonymized for privacy. Something could... probably go wrong with the encryption that leads this one back to you. It would still have to lead back here, of course, but we have a lot of agents... and by then, it wouldn’t indicate me...” The nurse seemed to be thinking out loud at this point, and Sam didn’t interrupt. _

_ Finally, the nurse looked at Sam. “I’ll step out now and let you get dressed. Nothing... God, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but nothing happened here.” _

_ “Of course.” Sam inclined her head to acknowledge her gratitude. _

_ The nurse left, and Sam put her clothes back on, finally breathing again. _

...

“I convinced the medical staff not to put it in my record,” Sam said. “You’re the first person I’ve told.”

“I’m sorry it’s happening like this,” said Mac.

“Anyway,” said Sam, “that was the most recent time I saw him. He disappeared, after that. But... I always knew he was going to come back, and I came to the Phoenix anyway, I  _ brought  _ him here and now he’s after you too—”

“Sam,” said Mac firmly. “Listen to me. This isn’t your fault, okay? This is all on him. And I’m gonna get us out of here, okay? I’ve... got it.”

“What is it?”

“Thermite,” said Mac. “I’m gonna cut an opening in the plexiglass. Warning: This is gonna get hot. I’ll do it at an angle, but I can’t promise I won’t burn you.”

“That’s okay, just do it,” said Sam.

She didn’t care what it took. She was more than ready to go home.

...

After a whirl of Medical and Jack hovering over Mac (and Sam, once he’d established that Mac was okay) and everyone else expressing concern in their own ways, Sam sat on Mac’s deck, staring into the fire.

She’d been advised not to be alone until the drugs completely left her system, which kind of sucked. She’d rather have stayed with Riley, but... she knew she was going to have to have this conversation sooner or later. No sense putting it off.

She wasn’t at all surprised when Mac came out to join her.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey yourself,” she said back.

Mac sat down next to her, likewise looking into the fire and not at her. Sam was grateful for that. “Before I say anything else, you need to know that I don’t think any less of you for anything you said back there.”

Sam stayed quiet.

“Actually, I... kinda knew the first part. About you having been an assassin.”

Sam looked over at him. “How?”

“Like I said, Riley’s background check was... really thorough.”

“You knew that, and you let me stay on your team?”

Mac tipped his head. “Everything in your file said you’d changed. We... we believe in second chances around here.” He smiled a little. “Besides, anyone who willingly loses their job and risks their freedom to bring a teammate home is okay by me.”

Sam nodded, then looked down again. She wasn’t bothering to hide her natural reactions to the conversation—she’d gotten Mac and his team mixed up with Murdoc, the least she could do was offer them a little bit of honesty.

Even if she did feel wrung out of truth like a sponge at the moment.

“I’m sorry I got you involved in all this,” she said. “I didn’t think he’d go after any of you. I’ve never...”

“You’ve never had anyone you cared about enough to use against you,” Mac said gently.

“Not since I was a kid,” Sam said. “But... it’s not just that.” She didn’t want to say this, especially after what she’d told Mac that day, but she had to warn him. “I saw how he was looking at you... he’s not just using you against me. He’s becoming obsessed with you, too.”

Mac sighed. “Awesome.” Then, he looked Sam in the eye. “But I’m not afraid. You wanna know why?”

“Why?”

“Because this is the best team on Earth, and if one of us is down, everybody else steps up. I’m not gonna tell anyone what you told me, obviously. But the fact that Murdoc kidnapped us means this is personal to the whole team now. And it still would be if he’d only kidnapped you.” Mac put out his hand, palm up, and Sam took it. “You’re one of us now, okay? And that means your problems are this whole team’s problems.”

Mac squeezed Sam’s hand.

Sam squeezed back.

She didn’t know what was going to happen in the future. But she knew she wouldn’t be facing it alone.

And she knew that, in this exact moment, she was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! I hope you liked this! If you did, I'd love it if you could let me know below!
> 
> Also, yes, the plot Sam and her team foil in the second meeting is based on The Rundown Job, episode 5.09 of Leverage.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful day!


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